State Fair was Fairly Stated, as... Fun!

The County exhibits are always my favorite, or one of my favorite parts of the fair. Here are some of the noteworthy offerings. I thought these people did great work on these displays of some of their Counties best attributes.










I tried to show the county name in the photo and let them speak for themselves.

The portraits here were done with jelly bellies, thats such an interesting medium I had to try and show some of the work. The bear was in the works right then so it can be seen how it was done. I love the colours and the compositions that a fair presents, it's so much fun to try and capture with the camera.

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What About John and Kate?

I get so tired hearing about a gerrymandered relationship that is only dragging out for ratings and sensationalistic headlines. It's ironic that my own relationship gone awry was a John and Kate, too. I moved on without the glamour of a breakup in everybody's face. I see the daily headlines and I cringe, how many more days can these two and whoever is pushing this keep interest in the sordid disrespectful selfish and unrealistic union alive and worthy of voyuers attention? Think of the kids, and how they will someday have to realize their parents acted like fools. If their drama is prolonged past the point of pointlessness as mine has done I am certain all viewers would be lost.

Love is A Two Edged Sword

I hear these types of sayings, but I only really understand them in my own experience. I know why they withstand the test of time as I go through my heart rending situation. There's a summation of countless emotions being felt, so many other people have gone this way, too. We are all together as we keep alive the meanings and definitions.

So we are never really alone.

"It is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all."

Hearing that doesn't make it any easier, but it is comforting, nonetheless.

My Heart Was in Her Hands...

A year was all we had,

But in reality it was a handful of Days

I gave my love freely, with both hands

I couldn't hold on to it anyway...

I would do it all over again

If I get to keep my friend

Honestly

Our lives are tethered to this world by a million strands of hope, trust, faith, desire, knowledge, duty, inquisitiveness, possibility et cetera. We need to believe in something that reaffirms and reassures progress toward our ideals as we grow spiritually and as human beings.

I have found ways to make shields to protect myself and my loved ones, unfortunately I also block some of my potential growth opportunities. In the end I guess its better to be safe than sorry?

The most basic building block is that we believe and trust those with whom we share our lives. It becomes more difficult when its family because their best interests are always in the forefront of our minds. And we can be blinded by love so easy. I never want to hurt another soul and I pray that I do not.

To be a friend is an honour and a privilege. To remain so is a commitment.

The Window of the Soul

I can see what it means to be free, feel how it feels to have hope, and to believe better days will surely come. You know that by the pain that we humans can feel in our souls there really is something more than mere flesh and blood that is who we really are.

We see the world and are moved by its beauty. It is nearly impossible to look at this creation and not acknowledge there is an intelligent designer. It takes as much faith to believe in nothing as to believe in God. You can hear it when the wind blows or waves crashing upon the shore, or the thunder rolling. Our senses touch the world as well as register in the spiritual world.

Sometimes I think of what Christ did for us as he felt all of our pain, suffered all our punishment and freed us up to be whole again in the eyes of God. When you think of this very thing its a rather humbling experience. Such an enormous grief he bore. For us.

When I think of my mostly personal and selfish issues that tear at my heart I have to pause to regain a proper perspective. I guess everybody has a right to want all good things in their lives, and I know that we possess our souls in patience. If I go back to the cross where Jesus paid the price for all our sins I will be reminded that God is with me in all things, He knows what I may be going through. I must continually go back to the cross where Jesus suffered for me, too. And how if I feel I have a right not to have to suffer, I am in error. Or that I should avoid it at all costs. Maybe my lot is to learn from these hard times through the pain. Maybe this adversity is really my blessing.

God has given me great gifts in which I am eternally grateful. He has given me chances to correct myself and I think I have. I know that I am a work in progress and am so lucky to be alive. Giving up has never crossed my mind. Seeking his will is my duty. God said "ask and it shall be given to you, seek and you shall find", and I just know its true.

I never want to forget what it means to love and really be loved, and I never will, so help me God.

Happy Independence Day!

We had fun going to the fireworks show in Roseville but it was moved to Sierra View C.C. so the works were a couple miles away from the fairgrounds. But we had fun anyway and did some at home later.

And my camera did a better job capturing my sweethearts than it did the fireworks, maybe next year I will know the right setting.

When Mortality Dawns Upon US

Today a pair of "Iconic" Americans passed away, following another well known persona yesterday. Ed McMahon died yesterday after a lengthy illness and well publicized personal finance troubles, forever remembered as Johnny Carson's sidekick and yes man. Farah Fawcett passed away today after a long bitter battle with a tough cancer, expected, yet still a shock as a living legend has left US. Then on top of those, Michael Jackson has a heart attack and passes away at 50?
Michael had a lot of bizarre tabloid troubles, yet this suddenness is just a complete shot across our collective bows.

I think our country likes to live vicariously through our celebrity culture, worshipped and enabled, for the very purpose of being like a mirror to look into our own selves and to dream a little dream about fame and fortune, "what would it do to me?" Since everybody knows about these people we all share in the loss and still we try to figure out how we really are affected. I think the whole outpouring of grief will be overdone and over covered. And yet, I also think many of these people are mourning for something or some part of their own lives they feel is now lost. Maybe living vicariously also means dying sympathetically.

Is this the three, as in tragedy coming in sets of 3? I will pray for their souls and hope there is a lesson for all of US in this. Life is never gauranteed and no matter what our troubles amount to as a portion of our consciousness, we will someday leave it all behind and move on to the next stage of our souls developement.

There are troubles brewing out there in the world that will require everyone to become self-less. We don't want to waste our grief on the passing of an individual or three, as we could be looking at the passing of our way of life and our countries position in the world. There are perceptions and then there are realities. The times they are a changin' ~ for sure.

May we all take a moment and reflect and think of how we can become better people, to all who we come in contact with.

A Solstice Anniversary Vision

Happiness is...

an everlasting love made exclusively for two, and I only want to share this blessing with my best friend. I know she knows that I know that she knows. This is exactly how I feel, it's purely harmonious and truly something special.

If Love travels in all directions, its travails at least seem to go the ways of gravity. The highs are so high and the boundaries limitless, but its the deepness that excites my inquisitive nature to explore its nuance and arouses my desire to find the right words to translate this most indescribable feeling.

The expression needs to come out perfect, and somehow, because I started to relay these thoughts out loud it seems more difficult to say it just right. Therein lies the challenge, to describe the very emotions that dwarf words and deeds and relegate powerful sentiment into numb adages.

How do I measure or probe that which is indefinable? How can I touch on what sometimes seems just out of reach and even unobtainable? Theres a feeling I want to describe but mere words diminish and turn what is graceful, natural, and flowing into something clumsy and common.

The multplying force of passion finding passion mesmerizes me out of my body and into my spirit. I can't let go of this chance to realize what seems to be at the very meaning of life. I won't give up until what I see in my heart becomes the reality I crave. True joy will come to me, if I can hang on and not just smother these flames with my doom. Some things will only happen once in a lifetime and must be acted upon while there's still enough time. All the signs and their vibrations, the pure emotion and its profound meaning, direct me, like a compass, to my love.

How To Be a Rock

Thats what I want to know.
I know just how I feel, and it's so incredibly strong. But I fear the brittleness that comes along with that. And then I fear the fear that goes along with that. We have come so far, but the road disappears right around the bend.
Its all more than us, together, its our individual souls needing to grow. Its all we have ever been, and even what can come to be.
I want more than anything to stay strong. Thats how I will remain. I really can ignore all my doubts. I can even turn off the pain. I want to be the last man standing.
I can win by not losing.

Patterns

Do you see my pattern?

I see patterns in everything that happens in life.

The magnificent tapestry our Lord created is woven with such artistry and detail we cannot see all the designs, all the possibilities, all the splendour that is the entirety of this world. Where we fit in, is our little spot. Where we go, is where God puts us. What we do with it is our choice, how we fit in is how we agree with God.

The patterns change and yet somehow it all stays the same.

Unfortunately, it's too late for me to change, too.

It takes Time

Here it is, the first day of Spring, a time for Love?
How ironic my previous post here is grappling with the issue that has since become the rollercoaster ride of a lifetime. More ups than downs, but when a person is not in reality, how easily we deceive ourselves. If there are more ups than downs then in the end there is a big drop to get back on the ground. Trust was what I had stressed then and still see that as what I need now. Trust in the Lord, first. I missed that chance. I suppose I missed all the way around.
My inevitable crash and burn has taken me to a new low I never knew existed. I put my heart in a place where all that could happen was for it to be broken. I did not believe I would be so easily cast aside, I believed in Love.
We can never doubt the power of Love in all its forms. First, there is the Love for our creator, the be all and end all. God is to be centrally placed in our lives and in our hearts or we will stumble, I know from experience, now. I knew this, yet I still tried to put the gift from God, the love I felt for another, past the giver in the hierarchy of my heart. Then theres the love of a parent for their child, the most powerful force in nature. Designed by God to ensure that our children have every chance to grow up and be happy and whole. For some this Love also becomes a defense shield, a motivator, and a cross to bear. I have felt the sting of children being placed before me in their mothers' hearts. And that is as it should be, but, when all that is left is being a disposable person who becomes nothing in the shadow of the kids, the pain is real and illuminating. And I know better about the multiple levels of Love and where I fit in.
I love my own children with all my heart and I would die in a second for them, I realize they will grow up and lead lives of their own, since they too are Gods children they need lives of their own, just like me. God will protect them, just like me, and God will instruct them, just like me. I trust in God for that. Maybe thats the difference between Mothers and Fathers, Mothers had the child inside of them and therefore always feel like they are one, while Fathers were always seperated and cannot know how difficult it is to detach, and relinquish protection to the creator of us all.
The type of love that has eluded me in this life is that of a woman - as a lover and a friend. I have had brief glimpses that faded or turned. I may still have a chance, what I have found and placed in my heart I will never give up on. Maybe God will lead me in a new direction and set me free. Maybe I will stop being an inconvenience and the love that has bloomed can grow?
I am so down because I feel that God will not allow me to really be in love completely in this life, as if it is just not possible. I know that something great will happen if I keep my faith in God, and let it be in His time.
I have to have faith.
Thats all I have.

Anymore.

To Do What's Right

I'm listening to my heart, and I am following the lead. If I have never been right before, why this time? If I am still not following the Lord, when will He ever hear my prayers?

How do we ever know we can trust with whom we fall in love, when we must do exactly that? The faith shown there is as much as I will ever put into anything. I want to believe there's a love thats true, every bit as much as I need this love, too.
I choose to believe. I choose of my own free will. But I also believe my time is short, now. Everywhere I turn the evidence points toward an end. And as much as anything else right now, I need a friend.

Life can twist and turn and leaves many bitter and hurting. If we make it through our troubles and keep a cheerful heart I know happiness is sure to follow. The strength of self reliance can build me up, as surely as misplaced faith will tear me down. The question is, do I have another loss that I can afford? My heart is not yet fully broken, and I can't believe that is what God wants. But God does want me to be free. The chains that bind us to the world are bolted to my heart. I am not too blind to see,
that is where to start.

Fathers Day

It is terribly sad that Tim Russert passed away right before Fathers day, when His Father and being a Father to his son were so very important to him, and I am certain he had plans. A consumate professional whose politics I would hardly ever agree with, Tim Russert was about as even handed as one could ever hope for in the mainstream media. He passed away a relatively young man, 58 years young, so it comes as even more of a shock to everyone. Tim was very hardworking and driven to be the best he could be, but dying so young makes one wonder if he got in all the things in life that he had intended. Sometimes when morbid thoughts grip me, I too wonder if I am missing large parts of life in my quest for securing a better future. A future that, unfortunately, for some never comes. I know there is a secret to living life to the fullest, taking care of responsibility and even finding reward in the smaller everyday things that are always taken for granted.
We all have a common Father, and God deserves the central eternal devotion from all his children. If we look at God as the one who takes care of us as our fathers here on earth are supposed to do, we would have a security that would empower us to achieve so much more than we ever realized. Even when our faith is weakened we are sustained and breathe and survive. I would pray all people remember their Father in Heaven on Fathers Day, too.
When the time comes to acknowledge the higher power in our lives I know some people are frightened and think that denial will be an acceptable alternative to obeisance. It simply is not so, our Lord and saviour reminds us of our need for him every day. Seeking utopia here on earth without God will certainly fail every time it is tried. Things happen to give a wake up call, it could be those earthquakes and tornadoes. It could be the passing of a loved one or even a prominent person we all felt we knew. Life can never be taken for granted not even for just one day.
And thats a very good reason to pray.

Is the End Just a New Beginning?

When all energy has been expended then peace can take hold because there is nothing left to do. I feel I have reached this apex almost within an undertow. As subtle as it now feels I know how the hurt and pain have dogged me through the years, almost numbing my soul by it's very oppression. I am ready to try to live again, to live by senses, with light, feeling love, feeling nature, feeling.
My horizon has always been so far out. But I sense a shrinking of the distances. Hope is there for me if I am brave enough to embrace a destiny that was unforeseen. Life's adventure doesnt always have to be mapped all the way to a safe end. It can be mapped all the way to a happy place and let God be the judge, true hearts will find a way.
When the last gasp of Love lashes out in rage and despair at it's betrayel...
It is then that it's over, a calmness will descend and peace can once again prevail.

Yosemite is somewhere near Paradise

Grandma Muff painted this 50+ years ago. A testament to the beauty and wonder of this awe inspiring region. Our family has lengthy ties to the park and deep gratitude to all who preserve and appreciate its awesome beauty.

Quotes Eternal

"For my part, I think the chief reason which prompted the invisible God to become visible in the flesh and to hold converse with men was to lead carnal men, who are are only able to love carnally, to the healthful love of his flesh, and afterwards, little by little, to spiritual love."

Saint Bernard, 1091- 1153

Trust Is...

Required.
Not Sold.
Forever taking hold.

I saw Heaven on Earth

If only for just one night, never to be forgotten.
This tree was planted years and years ago to enjoy the view of Mt. Baldy from the shade. The horizontal branch makes a perfect seat, I know it inspires me, too.


If I ever get a chance to go there again I will. And sit there, and contemplate the meaning of love.

The Searching

Some people are searching for love
Some people are searching for a thrill
Some people are searching for heat
Some people are searching for pills
Everybody's looking for something
Why they do what they do makes a difference
Why they dont do anything to help themselves makes no sense, to me

But sometimes the pain keeps you awake
And if you numb it all you're never going to see
Some people are just passing the time
And some abusing everything
We can never know when our luck will run out
If thats all that we count on to get by
We are all allowed just so many days
And in the beginning, and the end, we are dependent
When its time to stand, thats the time to be strong
Life is a circle
So it makes no difference when you start to live