Saturday, March 29, 2008

Being Driven Away

That's the way I feel. Driven. Driven away from myself, away from My Loves, Away from God, do I even have a chance to get myself back?

Attacks are all around me. Darts hurled by an enemy I cannot understand. My enemies' goal is to seperate me from my God, and what I love. And how I live out my days will be determined by how I face down these Demons.

Right now I am failing, I was to win over an unbeliever, and I have failed. I tried too hard at all the wrong times. And not hard enough the rest of the time. May God have mercy on me, the lowliest of His servants. Barely able to secure my own salvation, through faith, in this most awesome God, somehow I have. My creator, my Light, my only hope, thank you for the gift you gave me, once-for all time.

The raging torrent of emotion has faded once again and left me so cold I am shaking. As if I walked across the thin cracked ice over the frozen pond. I had better not go out there, but I must get to the other side. The mist that wreaths the moon in shrouded, diaphanous mysteries, sets the mood as nothing else could. Each step takes me closer to either my dream or my doom. The cracking sounds snap my attention downward but the echoing makes hope seem so very far away. Alone in this tempest of raw emotion and fear, I feel more numb. Apart from the naivette of youthful ignorance and a bliss that was as false as that reality that had never been reckoned for, how can I pretend I am not afraid?

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