Friday, December 03, 2010

Burning in Love

There was a moment a few years ago when I thought, this is it! I have finally found the one true love of my life. We hit it off, made plans, we were compatible in every way, we told each other we loved one another and we meant it, well, I did anyway. Now I realize I was in delusion. Star struck by a very beautiful woman needing me in my time of need. 
There is a spiritual entity called Maya _____ and she is instructed by the supreme Lord to distract people from their true object of worship, Himself. It is a counterbalance so we realize our need to continually place our focus on God himself. Anyway I fell, and once again I have paid a price for my failure in choosing upon whom I should fall in love and devote myself. Of course God is first. I am now talking about women and how I get to a lifelong partner who I love and adore. 
Blessed by God (again!) I met another woman who really cares about me and in her is everything I ever wanted, a supporter, a nurturer, a friend,  a lover, a healer , and a very spiritual soul full of goodness. Unfortunately, my ability to release my heart from bondage is inadequate at best, and the cold water I put on the flames of my passion for my previous love have left the place where fire should be burning damp and smothered. I am unable to put my heart out right now where she needs it to be so we can join each other in a true love relationship.
So I wander aimlessly trying to figure out where to go. When I see a woman that looks like my previous lover I swoon and feel a tremendous pull toward her. It is just a shell and chasing a feeling that is long gone, this I know full well. It does not help to think rationally, I have weighed the pros and cons for 2 years and neglected my conscience and all reason. I was in Love with my whole heart, and now there is a whole that may never be filled. That is partially why I do everything I can to exorcize that demon, that part of me afraid to love, makes wrong choices as to avoid true love, and fears he will never find true Love.


Amaia Jenin said...


I love the way you write. It resemble my feelings... it feels like I could write it myself :)

And this particulalry post is bulleyes on how I feel lately!

God Bless. :)

JohnnyT. said...

Thank you for reading, these things are near and dear to my heart and writing them out lets me see it all more clearly and then progress.

Amaia Jenin said...

I feel you and understand what you mean...