The Sun also Rises

I look at hopes and dreams a little differently these days. A lot of times I used to look at why things arent happening how I want them to happen, right now. And what can I do to get it right? But the bigger picture keeps moving toward me. Things are happening and sometimes I just can't see because its right in front of me. I have grown stronger by not caving. I am closer because whatever awaits is another day more near to dawning. The Lord works in mysterious ways and I am so thankful just to be in the world making a small contribution. I will do whatever I can to make my responsibility count. I will always do my best and hope for the same.

Some People Have Nothing Better to do

I had a blogging friend who went through a similar episode with a reader who continued to come back and make dumb ass comments. Adding nothing to the topic but contrary provocations. I posted a few of the comments in hope to illuminate this person into moving on and seeing that while i read the comments I don't understand them or the reason to keep coming back to me and my little blog site. I write stuff that interests me and don't need an off site editor at large. I neither try nor care if I am politically, grammatically, or interestingly correct. These are all random things that could interest a friend or a family member or just get it out of my own system. Someday I will look back on the entirety of what I have written and what? Just remember what was going on back then...

So if my little friend had something to say personally I would hope they would leave a way for me to see to that.

Otherwise enjoy, and now I guess I have a new angle to write toward. And that is the perspective that idiots are also reading this and gears are slipping inside teeny tiny brains.

I'm So Allergic

I have weeds growing in the backyard that are crazy. I have battled them for 2 years and they get worse and worse. I am not sure where they came from, but they are easy enough to get rid of. Their roots are shallow and come right up. But the darn weeds are kind of sticky and then I realized that picking them I get a rash, almost like poison oak. And every time i pull them and get the rash it gets a little worse! It's just awful and I know with the alternating sunny rainy days we have had its not helping. I guess I am going to have to call in the round up. We have not had many warm days yet but the situation is getting critical here.

Update: I added a couple more pics of the offenders, there are the foxtails, which I call Dogs Bane, and then the pic in front of the stack of scaffold frames is the little devil I am allergic to. At least these things choke off all other weeds so when they are plucked out by the roots the ground is relatively weed free! :)

When I read between the Lines

I see what I want to see,

Sometimes.

I see what I am afraid to see,

Mostly

I see my dream far away

or is everything else becoming nearer

The only thing I am not sure I ever get to see is... Reality

I read into my situations all my hopes and dreams. The heart is just a wild animal and logic and reason cannot deter it from what it has felt and seeks above all things to feel again. Bound by memory of the past, the shadow world of false hope entices me to pause and exhaust all ways around to find the happy ending. Trading what is real and less than perfect for the hope that never quite materializes is like a phantom that beguiles and tantalizes every waking thought and even sneaks into dreams. Yet letting go of that hope is like letting go of all chance to ever feel again the truest passion I will ever know.

So I won't, because I can't.

Love is a Lost and Found and Lost and...

Well I found you when you found me, too

We worked our way through the day to days,

together

More than a heart was saved back then

More than a lover, so much more than a friend

I found what was missing, and its true

When everything seemed beautiful and new

Im hanging on to hope now because

there's not much else to hold onto

Who we See

I used to believe that there was the possibility of more than one person with whom I could find the love and happiness and completeness of a soul satisfying relationship. I am now thoroughly convinced there is only one person.

Maybe, it is only one person at a time? And while that individual is locked into the heart there can be no other?

It is so confusing, out of the billions of souls on the Earth at any given time how do we find who we are most compatible with?

And, when we do find that person... Everything can be perfect, but that may still not be enough. The world and life's steering can force anyone somewhere they never intended to be. All intentions toward where we want to go may be circumvented by honor and duty, responsibility and fates fickle chance. Everybody has their course charted with only a few diversions possible. What is found by that road can be lost just as quickly at the speed of life.

What is meant to be doesn't always happen quite the way it's hoped for. Ultimately control is not all ours. And as painful as that is to accept,

still,

in the end it's the way it should be

?!?!?!?

For Tomorrow Never Comes

I remember good times like they were yesterday, yesterday was here and left me with a smile. Today I am trying to figure out where the rainbow went. It isn't as close as tomorrow, and if tomorrow ever got here I would know that its today.

Sensitivities

When a person feels as if they have an exclusive connection with another a lot of emotions are simply expected and accepted as understood and mutually held. When things get scrutinized all the variances are then laid bare and can be explained if patience is held with a desire to know. At times it was easy and simply an obvious extraction, all that was good was true.

Time and separation dull all sharp definitions. Clear paths get overgrown, set goals change, new challenges replace old difficulties and time marches onward. Reconnection becomes relearning, both identities must know and care enough to demonstrate what was done and what is still held as truth are in line with what was the original commitment in spirit, in the heart, in friendship.

Sometimes waiting is imposed from without, circumstances eliminate the choices. Sometimes waiting is within, the heart cant get out of its own way.

A true heart will remain in that state indefinitely.

Have it Your Way

I think of my to do list and it keeps getting longer, while the contingencies to embark keep me tied in knots. Life can sometimes seem an endless series of waiting. I am so lucky I have patience, sometimes I wonder where my procrastination ends and my patience begins. I believe in a limitless horizon, I believe what I have been shown is just the outer surface of what could be in store. My faith gets tested and is found to be lacking, yet I will always cling to the positive. What is good gets better and static will fade. What is bad I hope to leave far behind. The human mind is amazing how it can heal itself, strengthen itself, and learn from itself.

I only need to lay the blame on why these are the lessons I have chosen to learn?

There's Light in the Darkness

Theres a beacon that shines amid the darkest of days and promises to guide the paths of those who search for direction, day or night.

Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.

Colossians 3:2

Behold, I will send my messenger, and he shall prepare the way before me: and the Lord, whom ye seek, shall suddenly come to his temple, even the messenger of the covenant, whom ye delight in: behold, he shall come, saith the LORD of hosts.

Malachi 3:1

I Wonder

The Lord always provides a way out, always puts people in our path that can help. I never want to use anybody, however, I know destinies collide and if I can help I am happy to do so, too.

Sometimes it may seem like a friend is there and then they are not, but they are. Sometimes the growth exceeds the available space and can no longer be contained. Sometimes the directions change the course and since we always grow toward the light...

Realizations

We come into this world with nothing and with nothing we depart. Along the way we gather the things that make us who we are. We live, we love, we win and we lose. We gain and we give back, we remember and lest we forget, we hold on. We meet and we bond, we adjust and we care. We fight to preserve ourselves and our dignity, and we try to stay true.

We go on as far as we can and if we never give up the blessing is ours.

On Longing, Jealousy, Loneliness and Love

What ever happened to my spirit?

Hopes rise and fall, If I lose control I wonder...

I'm so full of hope and still find despair?

I ask, and I receive,

Life is the Blessing we make it, all ways. : )

我可以認識您

I can know you

Our lives encompass one another seeking friendship that can stand the test of time

Memories and dreams entwined to form bonds

where only open space existed before

I hoped to build bridges to that future as life begins anew

Nothing breaks down those barriers completely,

I see now

Nothing can express love quite that sweetly,

but you showed me how

What was shared is all the evidence I need,

what I felt was my soul freed

I see heaven is closer than not, in good time we will share

I will meet you there, I will meet you there

In God speed I meet you there

Where the Heart Is

I have learned so much from my friends, some newer and some people I have known for years and years. I am so thankful to have someone to talk to when I am at my wit's end. I believe the Lord sends us people who can help and when we listen the wisdom and the blessing become crystal clear. The hope I cling to is that what is right and true in the end is what wins hearts and minds.

The Meaning of Christmas

Let the trumpets sound! Unto us this day our Saviour is born.

Hark, the Herald Angels Sing.


Thinking of all who are dear and remaining in contact. I will be praying for the gift of Love, for the whole world.

All the modern mechanisms can bring us closer...

Christmas wishes for me are mainly to keep in touch with dear friends and Family.

Send a letter and hope to hear back soon : )

Every day could be like Christmas if we never forget the reason for the Season. The birth of our Saviour.

Santa represents giving from the heart, our Love and ourselves.

Winter Wonderland

Love to Go Around

The dividing of attention and the size of my heart are not directly linked. Sometimes I get the feeling that some people feel there is only enough love to fill the heart full and then it remains static. I like to think of my heart as being able to grow with every new friend and to welcome in and keep all who are dear.

My children have the top spot and they know it, but they want to be assured, and sometimes they feel threatened when they realize I turn my attention elsewhere. It's not that they don't want me happy, it's that they feel left out, and realize they are not completely controlling the environment.

I have always tried to be honest and forgiving and above all, understanding in all relationships. In my walk I have tried to find the balance between responsibility and necessity and personal desire. I would never do anything to damage anybody else in any way, no matter what happened in the past. I would feel awful if I ever caused another parental relationship with their children any hardship or difficulties. I know well from my own situation and I believe the Golden Rule.

As important as a parent child relationship is for the growth of the child it is also important for the children to have happy parents and to understand that their parents have a life that is independent from the kids, also. Our children will eventually grow up and have a life of their own, and then they will hope we have one too.

Christmas Past

Christmas Past and Christmas Future will never compare to Christmas Present.

I remember dreaming during the countdown to Christmas Day as a kid and how it seemed it would never come.

It's funny how, even as an adult I continued to put much anticipation into hopes and promises out in the future. Because, if my happiness depends on another person or another situation, disappointment is inevitable. To live for the day is the dream,

and the reality.

When One Door Closes Two more Open?

I thank God every day for everything, and today he may have set me free.

: )